sekkritaus | Rex / Andy / Poe Freelance Heroes AU

... All right.

[ This time, Rex lets Poe go. It helps that the sooner they're off the rock, the sooner things get back to normal - which is to say, they're not giving Andy another chance to get skittish and run off on them. Once Poe's out of view, Rex edges closer to Andy, leaning against the wall beside her.

Now that it's done, he feels as though he's floundering in uncharted waters, made almost bashful by his own forwardness and still all keyed up from what has to be one of the most tumultuous day their little trio has ever had. ]

You can go to bed as soon as your legs start working again.

[ He doesn't quite look at her. As much as he's the one who pressed the point that nothing's really changed, in one quick moment, it seems like everything has. He doesn't know what to do with it, or how it's going to turn out. ]

...you really hurt him, you know, [ he says, quiet enough so that there's no chance that Poe can hear. BB-8 may be able to hear, but that little droid knows more about discretion than most humans. ] He's the one who's been guiding us from the start.

[ Rex owes him. So does Andy, though she may not feel like it right now. What Poe really deserves, though, is an apology. He may not be getting one today, or tomorrow, or next month, or even next year, not out loud. It's not her way. But there are things she may yet be able to do. ]

[ She knows. She meant to hurt him, in the moment — because that felt like the only way to convince him he wasn't in love with her, or that even if he was, it wouldn't be the way he hoped it would. In hindsight, it was probably stupid to think she could shake Poe Dameron so easily anyway — especially with such half-hearted efforts, lies that were cruel but also transparent. Pain she caused him for nothing. Dwelling on that, watching Poe's back as he walks away now makes an odd little pang flare up in her chest. She said she loves him, but she's been so unfair to him. Unkind. And even after all the lies, he still came looking for her. Still slept in her bed, waiting for her. He...

Fuck. Fuck's sake.

She wishes Rex wouldn't call her out on these things. She wishes Rex wasn't always so fucking right. Andy just makes a low, frustrated noise as she covers her face in one hand, tired and still half-annoyed with everything — herself most of all. ]

I can't take it back. [ The words are low, barely there and weary. ] I... [ A huffing exhale. ] I'm not any fucking good at this. I knew I wouldn't be. I tried to tell you — [ She grits her teeth, funneling her frustration into an attempt to stand up, bracing herself against the wall. ] I didn't mean to love either of you so much. I didn't mean to need you. And I don't understand why it doesn't scare you or him like it fucking scares me.

It's not that you're not good at this. It's that you gave up before you even tried.

[ Maybe now's not the time to say it. Maybe his bluntness is unwelcome, in this hazy time. But it has to be said. If it were just he and Andy, Rex would let it go - hell, nothing would have happened in the first place. He'd take whatever Andy had to say on the chin. But he'd seen the way Poe had reacted, the way he'd gone drawn in and quiet, far more terrible than anything he could have done out of sheer rage or frustration, and as much as Rex has come to realize that he loves Andy, he loves Poe too. He doesn't only need to make this right for himself. He needs to make it right for him.

Maybe he should reach out, help Andy to her feet as she tries to shake off the last of the paralysis. But she earned this, so he doesn't. ]

You can still make it up to him. By trying. You will make it up to him. I know you will, [ he says quietly, quiet enough that there's no chance of Poe overhearing. If he can just get it through her skull, she'll do it. By - oh, he doesn't know. Saying it back, without the anger. Holding him. Swearing her fealty throug actions, not through words. ]

What is there to be scared of, Andy?

[ How is it that she can stare down the barrel of a blaster without breaking a sweat, but when Rex asks her these questions, the fight or flight instinct is so strong it's a wonder one of her secondary organs doesn't just burst? Her heart is beating too hard in her chest, and it's not from the effort of getting back to her feet. It isn't her half-numb legs making her feel so heavy. It's... Fuck. ]

I don't — [ Frustration pulls at the volume of her voice. It takes conscious effort to drop the words low again — not that it does much for the heat in her tone. ] I don't want to have something to lose. I don't want to fucking live with it if something happens to one of you and I can't stop it. I don't want to be here alone two hundred years from now clinging to fading memories of what it was like when we were together.

[ She's gotten worked up again. It's not like her — to show so much open, vulnerable emotion all at once. This is different. This... ]

Look at this fucking mess. This is where I'm at, and we've all barely said the words to each other. It terrifies me to think how much more I'll love you in a year. In ten years. In twenty! [ Her voice strains, tight and thin. ] But like an idiot, I still want to be with you. So tell me what the fuck I'm supposed to do about that.

You think I've never thought about leaving? [ Rex hisses back, still quiet, still not wanting Poe to hear. He'd tried to see if they wanted him to leave more than once, had brought up every reason they had to leave him, and they didn't. Now, there's an even better reason to leave: so that he won't subject them to the same cruelty any clone subjects any natural-borns to. ] I even told my commanding officer not to get attached. Now look at where we are.

[ He lost something along the way. A little of his edge, he supposes, the sharpness he used to carry around with him, protecting himself as much as it was protecting others, that in-born desire for camaraderie warring with the desire to keep others at arm's length, knowing how their lives could be swiftly brought to an end at any time. He rises to his feet. ]

It's too late. If either of us were to leave, we should've done it months ago. But that would hurt that man in there far more than if we were to stay and he were to lose us that way. And I don't -- [ He wrinkles his nose, scowling. He so rarely has had the opportunity to think about what he wants; his impulse is still that it's a selfish thing, to declare what you want and to go out and take it. ] And I don't want to.

[ And deep down, he doesn't know that Andy wants to either. He reaches out and grasps at her wrist, half supporting her, half confronting her. ]

So. What you're supposed to do with that is you're supposed to stay. And you're going to tell him that without it sounding like you're trying to rip off your own skin. I've never known you to be a coward. And I'm no coward either. So we face this for what it is. And we face it together, just as we've faced every other thing that's come our way.

[ No. He's right. He's right about her — she doesn't want to leave them. If she did, she would've tried harder than a little hide and seek. She wouldn't have come back. She wouldn't have bothered to argue even, she just — fuck. Fuck's sake. It's too late now. He's right about that too. The time to cut this off passed a while ago, and even though she knew she was getting too attached, she didn't stop herself.

That, and... Some part of her does want to be here. She — wants this to work. More than she cares to admit out loud. She just. Isn't sure yet that it will. She could drive herself crazy with all the reasons that it won't. She damn near did, these past five days. Just arguing with herself back and forth, over and over —

Rex's hand closes around her wrist, drawing her attention back. Making her present again. A reminder that it isn't just about her own struggle — that this territory isn't difficult only for her. Whatever else there is, they're a team, the three of them. None of them has functioned alone for a long time now. And they — they've been trying with her, being honest with her and giving her chances despite her selfishness, even now. Poe was brave to tell her how he felt. And how often is it that Rex says aloud that he does or doesn't want something? They're trying. So why can't she? ]

...Together. [ She echoes the word in answer at length. Her eyes linger for a moment on the place where his hand encircles her wrist before she looks up at him, a certain wryness in her voice when she goes on: ] To the bitter end? [ Fuck. She's really in this now, isn't she? Andy exhales heavily. ] Look, I'm staying, alright? I'm staying. The rest — [ The rest... ] I'll try.

[ Quieter: ]

I promise I'll try.

[ For a moment, Rex is prepared to continue being angry. For some reason, he didn't expect that Andy would concede the point, that she'd finally relent and say that she'll try. It's technically a success, though he can't help that knot of anger that's still in his gut, mostly just energy without anywhere to put it.

It's a good thing, though. It's more than he ever expected out of her at this point. He would have taken any concession at this point, quite frankly. ]

All right. [ He eyes her for a moment, then sighs, some of the tension easing from out of his frame. ] I've never known you to fail at anything you've tried before, you know. Even if it involves bashing the hell out of my nose.

[ Oh, he's going to smack her in retaliation one of these days. Even he knows that doing it now isn't in any of their best interest. ]

Go on, then. I'm not the only person you have to say that to.

[ He nods towards the cockpit. Poe deserves to hear it just as much as he does and, quite frankly, Rex wants to give the two of them a moment alone. They may all have love for each other, but Poe's the one who's been sleeping in her bed, the one she'd lashed out at in the first place and, as Andy had aptly pointed out, the only one who'd seen her naked. It's about time. ]

[ Honestly, Andy wasn't sure she would concede the point either. But whatever else there is — whatever else she struggles with, whatever words she'd half-rather choke on than say aloud — she does love them. More than she thought she was still capable of, after all these years. Weary as she is, something about these two stubborn bastards makes some part of her want to try again, even though she rest of her resists the vulnerability of sentiments like love and hope.

She lingers a moment, pausing before she reaches out to roughly thumb away a little trickle of blood from under Rex's nose. ]

I did warn you that I'd kick your ass.

[ It's a quiet wryness, a bit fond and a bit tired too. Parting words before she turns to make the walk to the cockpit. She doesn't know if this conversation will be harder or easier than the one she just had — only that it might as well happen now. The worst that happens is she and Poe fight again, and it wouldn't be the first time anyway.

With a heavy exhale to announce herself, Andy ducks into the cockpit and sinks into the copilot's seat. For a long moment, she says nothing to Poe at all — just takes a second to light herself a cigarette, taking a puff or two off of it before finally speaking: ]

...Well. You were right. So there's that.

[ Poe was already finishing up his flight checks - actually taking his time to run through the sequence properly, rather than blast through it like he did when they were running from something. Mostly just so that he had something to think about that wasn't the unsettling way his stomach was twisting.

After getting a half second to cool down, something very unpleasant had occurred to him. Had he basically just coerced Andy into all of this? Just emotionally manipulated her until she capitulated? He couldn't really tell himself that he hadn't, especially with how grudging her final admittance was, and Poe couldn't help but turn it over and over in his head as he flicked every switch in the cabin, relaying its status over the comms to BB-8 in the engine room.

When Andy stepped in, he instinctively tensed, half ready for another fight. ]

You worked pretty hard to prove me wrong. So I'm not totally sure how right I was. But as long as you're - long as we're all here, it's fine. It'll work out.

Poe... [ She sighs quietly, lifting a hand to rub a knuckle between her eyebrows. ] You were right.

[ A little more emphasis, this time. Because even if she did fight it, and fight it hard, it wasn't ever because he was wrong. No. He'd seen straight through her without even trying. Past every wall she put up, every lie she told. She'd felt... Exposed. Vulnerable in a way she hadn't been in a century, at least. Suffices to say that her defensive gut instinct wasn't a kind one.

Too bad she's almost as terrible at apologies as she is at confessing her feelings. It takes her another long moment to work the words up, and several pulls on her cigarette.

Finally, lowly: ]

I shouldn't have lied to you. I... [ Another exhale. ] I do love you, alright? More than I know what to do with.

[ He's glad that he has something to do with his hands during her silence - even if he does end up flipping some of the switches twice just to look like he's busier than he is.

He isn't sure what he's expecting to hear. Maybe something about how he needed to give her time, or that this kind of thing wasn't easy for her, and that he needed to respect that.

Or that he'd manipulated her into this at all.

He was not expecting her to lowly murmur that she loved him. Despite everything that had just happened. So his head turned immediately, the surprise registering on his face before a strange, painful wave washed over him. Not painful in a bad way, exactly. Just a sharp, thorough feeling, like he'd passed through a force field. ]

... You don't have to do much with it, Andy. [ He said after a moment, turning his head back to his controls. ] You know that's not why I - I didn't do any of this to make you do something, alright? Hell, I didn't even... I didn't even need you to say anything, I just... wanted you to know, I guess.

[ A pause, a mumble: ] I just get really worked up about Rex. [ He'd fight a Rancor bare fisted if it dared to look funny at the clone. ]

[ She huffs out a breath that might have been a half-hearted laugh, if she could be assed to try a bit harder. Smoke wisps from her mouth as it curves up faintly in a wry, fleeting expression. Shaking her head a little, she shifts in the copilot's chair to tuck her legs up, curling into her seat. It's rueful when she answers, a little tired and a little quiet. ]

I know you do.

[ A little fond, too. ]

I'm the one you shot earlier, remember?

Well, you were kind of being a dick. [ He's not going to pull punches about it. Sure, he feels a lot less righteous than he did in that moment, but. ]

But I shouldn't have stunned you.

I just didn't know what the hell else to do. I've seen you guys fight. I don't really want to see you fight each other.

[ She shrugs lightly, a small motion of her shoulders under her jacket as she smokes, all curled up in her chair. ]

I don't know. Between you and me? [ Wryly: ] I wouldn't mind trying to pin him down.

[ A small pause, as she tilts her head, resting it on her knees as she watches Poe, contemplating him. Her eyes are softer than the mild edge of mockery makes her voice. ]

Besides, it's kind of hot when you pull off a shot like that. Really makes a girl's heart race, even when half her body is paralyzed.

[ He didn't want to smile. He wanted to wallow in his hurt for a while - wanted to know how it felt so that he could avoid feeling that way again. How? He didn't know. Maybe sure no one's nose got broken, at least. But he couldn't help the slight twitching of his lip as he turned his attention back to the dashboard. She wasn't allowed to make him smile. Not right now. ]

There's pinning and then pinning, and you know exactly what I mean. [ He finished his checklist and then finally flipped one of the switches to the engine, the whole ship slowly beginning to rev to life around them. ]

You're trying to calm me down with flattery and innuendo. [ He accused, but there was no bite in it. ] It's sort of working. But the first part worked better.

[ He paused, wet his lips, and then hit another switch, the hum of the engines increasing in frequency. ]

... I love you too, Andy.

[ Quietly, simply: ]

Yeah. I know.

[ No fight this time. Just acknowledgment. Acceptance. She says nothing else for a long moment, just letting the sounds of the ship engines fill the air around them with their familiar hum. It's comforting, in a way. And they're overdue to leave this shithole of a planet anyway.

Finally, with that mild wryness of hers: ]

So can we kiss and make up now?

[ It does help, the lack of a fight. For the first time he thinks she actually means it - there's no trace of her saying it just to end an argument. He pulls back on the throttle gentle as she lets the moment stretch, and soon there is nothing but blue light quickly shifting darker as the ship smoothly rockets toward the atmosphere.

He lets out a soft snort at the question, glancing over at her. ]

... Yeah. [ His voice is a little soft. Honestly? Now that she said it? He really did just want to pull her against him and kiss her until he forgot why he was upset in the first place. ]

But you've gotta close the space because I'm a little busy for the next couple of minutes.

Is Rex alright?

[ The truth is, she's still the same shitty old Andy she ever was, cagey and moody and a little bit of a liar — but she said she was going to try, so she will. She'll stay and she'll try, even if she fucks it up now and then. She'll love them the best that she knows how. ]

...Besides his nose? I think so. [ She uncurls herself slowly, like the old woman she is, stretching her legs a bit before she gets up from the copilot's seat. ] Might have to ask him yourself. He could still be mad at me.

[ Finally, she comes to lean over Poe's chair instead, holding her cigarette out of the way as she brushes a brief kiss to the corner of his mouth. With the usual faint twinge of wryness: ]

You think if we make enough of a ruckus, he'll come and check on us?

Well you did break his nose, I think he's allowed to be annoyed. [ But his voice is almost as wry as hers. It's too easy, to slip back into the banter like nothing has happened. He isn't going to fight it, right now. ]

Well, you could start yelling at me, and he might come back with the blaster, who knows. You could get stunned twice in one day.

[ He turned his head to just barely catch her lips a little more than she meant, then lets out a breath. ]

... Maybe I should make us food, or something. [ Poe almost never cooks. Not because he can't, exactly, but because why bother when he can eat anything presented to him in a foil wrapper. ]

Just - an excuse for us to all spend time together. I think that'd make him feel better faster than anything else.

[ Though he might be talking about himself more than he's talking about Rex. ]

To be fair, I warned him. [ Sort of. ] And you avenged him, so as far as I'm concerned, we're all fucking squared away here. No need to shoot me twice.

[ The suggestion of Poe cooking does make her pause a little though. Honestly, she'd gotten so used to rations that she'd half-forgotten any of them could cook. She's surprised to find that the idea appeals to her — a meal together, something as homemade as you can get when you live on a ship. It'd probably make them all feel better. And a bit more... Together. Especially after all she's put them through these past few days. ]

Lend you a hand, if you want. [ She's not a brilliant chef by any means, but she's competent enough. Hard not to be, when you're centuries old. ] Just don't feed us so much that we won't all fit in one bed later.

[ Because, casually as she says that, some part of her really just wants to close her eyes and fall asleep to the rhythm of them breathing nearby. ]

[ There's a slight warmth that rises to his cheeks at her suggestion, because damn. Damn, he wants that so badly. And only 1/3rd in a sexual way. Getting to pass out with them both next to him just - sounds really fucking appealing, right now. ]

Yeah. We can cook together. [ He likes the idea more than he thought he would, and the fact that it comes from Andy just makes him feel really grateful. ]

And then we can all crawl into a bed and sleep for 80 years.

Rex / Andy / Poe Freelance Heroes AU

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