sekkritaus | Hogwarts / Wizarding World AU

We can't stay here.

[ His voice is thick. Poor fucking perfect Linus. He'd never deserved half of what they put him through. Why not just tell her that you love her? He'd asked, like it was the simplest easiest thing in the world.

He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding when the pain in his leg eased, but he didn't trust himself to move or get up yet. So he gripped her arm tightly. ]

They're going to want to take stock. Others might have got out- but if we stay here we definitely won't live to find out. Can you apparate? I don't- I don't trust myself to not splinch myself, I need you to take me.

My dad's house. You're the only one who knows where it is.

[ Deep in the woods of Scotland, and even Poe almost never went back except to visit his parents' graves.

His grip on her arm tightened. ]

Don't leave me, okay? No matter what happens, just-- just don't leave me.

Never. [ She answers without even thinking about it, low and determined. ] I would never leave you.

[ And it's that reminder — saying those words out loud — that gives her the strength to push back against grief and exhaustion. There will be time for mourning later. And revenge. Right now, what matters is getting them both to safety. He's right, they can't stay.

Andy grips her wand a little tighter. She concentrates on her memory of that house in Scotland, the one with the two graves — she focuses until it's clear in her mind's eye. Then —

The crack is deafening to her own ears. Arriving is a little bumpy — it leaves her half-sprawled on the cold dirt, still hanging onto him, all tangled up. She groans. Pretty sure she landed on a rock. Or three. ]

Hey, still in one piece?

[ It's not a nice landing, but at least it's a complete one. No pieces of him left somewhere else, or stuck in the ground. He hurts everywhere but he's in one piece. So he coughs and then nods, squeezing her arm before sitting up. ]

... Yeah. I think I'm more bruise than man, but yeah.

[ The house itself looked completely dilapidated and overgrown - a little house in the middle of the woods, vines crawling up the side and into the windows. But he felt around for his wand and then raised it, murmuring something under his breath, and the glamour fell away to reveal that the house was perfectly fine. It also revealed two small gravestones in the front yard, with the words 'Kes Dameron' and 'Shara Bey' written on them.

He squeezed Andy's arm again. ]

You're not hurt, right? You're okay?

I’m good. I’m fine. [ She’s not really, but she always answers that question the same way, even if her body hurts all over and she hasn’t given herself even a second to process what’s just happened to them. All of that can wait until she’s sure they’re safe and settled. Everything can be unpacked later. Or never. ] Come on. Let’s get inside.

[ She puts an arm around him - half to support him, half for the reassurance of his body pressed to hers - and starts up the path. ]

Damn. [ Softly: ] This place is just like I remember it.

[ Simpler times. ]

[ He leans against her as they walk, letting out a releaved breath when his leg supported his weight. Andy had always been better at those kind of spells than him. ]

Yeah. Thank Leia. Her house elf Pio comes and cleans up all the time.

[ He digs a key out of his pocket, and with a wave of his wand it flies forward and slips into the lock, opening the door just before they get there. Just after, the candles light themselves and the fire comes to life inside, before the key zips back into his pocket. ]

We'll have to set up a bunch of extra wards. No one knows where this place is, but I don't want them being able to find out by a scrying on us.

Here's to hoping the wreckage keeps them from noticing that a couple aurors are missing for a while. [ Not that she's so optimistic, of course. She's never really been a "glass half-full" kind of witch. ] I'll deal with the wards. You should sit for a minute.

[ Better to keep busy anyway. She hasn't even bothered to check herself for wounds but if she stops, she'll dwell, and she doesn't want that right now. The situation is too fucking dire for things like grief and what-if's. So she's not going to think about what would have happened if Linus hadn't been there to take the curse for Poe, or if she hadn't been able to find him, or...

Fuck. ]

I'll deal with the wards.

[ She repeats herself, as if to solidify her will to focus on that. Taking only a moment to make sure that Poe is steady on his feet, she starts pulling away to get on with what needs doing. ]

Wait.

[ He caught at her wrist, looking pained. ]

Just - just a few seconds. Please. Because if I don't hug you right now, I don't know what I'm going to do. Please.

[ God, he might as well have been pulling directly on her heart, the way he looks just then, saying please as if there were even a chance she might refuse him. Her makes her chest feel painfully tight, its contents too full for her ribs to contain. What would she have done, if she pulled his body from the rubble and found him as cold and lifeless as Linus?

Her embrace is fierce. Borderline bruising. She holds onto him as if holding tightly enough would keep them from ever being separated. As if the solidness of his body against hers is the one anchor she has after all that's happened. They've never had such a close call. It's never been this bad before, and she...

She can't stand the thought that she might have lost him. ]

I'm sorry. [ It's a muffled apology with no explanation. ] Fuck, I'm sorry, Poe.

[ He grips back incredibly tightly, not giving a damn how much everything hurt. His heart was hammering hard enough for her to feel it against his chest. ]

You've nothing to be sorry for. [ He whispers it roughly into her hair. ] Not a fucking thing. You're still here. I can handle literally everything else in the world, as long as you're still here. I don't know what I would have done if I lost you, Andy.

[ But she does. There's — so damn much to be sorry for. Years and years worth. For breaking things off when they were younger. For all the fights she started, all the times she lied about how she felt. How much she must have hurt him. All that, and he's still holding her now, telling her how grateful he is that she's just here.

It shouldn't have taken something like this to make her honest. But. ]

I have to tell you something. [ The words are frayed around the edges. Hard to get out. ] Something I should have said a long time ago.

[ She hesitates — so unlike her — then finally pulls back to look him in the eye. ]

You can be angry at me, if you want. Just promise me you'll stay, once I say it.

Andy-- [ She pulls away from him and his first instinct is to pull her back against him, but she's looking at him so seriously. ]

I'm not going anywhere. Okay? I don't want to be apart from you at all, ever again. If we go down, we go down together, okay?

[ He honestly had no idea what she was trying to say, though half of him was afraid she'd seen through his desperation and was going to tell him he needed to stop loving her, again, but he didn't have it in him. Right now. So he didn't immediately start promising he would, because he'd be babbling lies, at this point. He didn't even want to stop loving her, anymore. ]

[ It shouldn't be so hard — to voice the feeling she'd held in her chest since she was still a girl, constant as her own heartbeat all these years. She thought the words before a hundred times, then hated herself for even letting them form in her mind. There were times she felt so warm and soft for him that she almost said it aloud — times when she was angry enough to almost say it too. But she never did. Not even once.

Now here they are, bloody and bruised, reeling from loss, exhausted —

It's not the way it should have been. But. ]

Poe. [ Her heart beats painfully hard in her chest. It's harder to keep meeting his gaze now than staring down a Death Eater's wand — but she does it. She wants him to know. That what she's saying now is honest. A truth that comes out low and rough around the edges. ] I love you. I've always have. Ever since school. [ She falters, struggling. Frustrated. ] It just happened — and I couldn't stop. So I never did.

[ She may as well have been talking another language, for the first few seconds, while he stared at her dumbly. Whatever he'd been expecting her to say, that wasn't it, and it too way too long for the words to filter through his brain. When they finally did, his heart seemed to stop for several beats, then restart painfully just to run twice as fast. The anger she'd mentioned wasn't there - if any emotion could describe the disbelieving shock on his face, it would be closer to utter relief. ]

Oh thank god. [ Exhaled in a single breath, almost like a sob, while his heart stuttered painfully.

He reached out and clasped each side of her face with his hands, then pulled her a little closer so he could press their foreheads together. When he spoke, his voice was thick. Overwhelmed. He didn't quite have it in him to be happy - they'd lost literally everything but each other - but he was so relieved. ]

Oh thank god it's not just me.

[ Hearing his relief, how blatant and raw it is — it's painful. Her own heart clenches underneath her ribs as if gripped in a fist. He isn't even angry with her. Even after everything she's put them through. He only — reaches for her, and pulls her close, pressing his forehead to hers. It's more than she deserves, but exactly what she needs. Especially now, when it feels like everything has ended except what they have with each other.

Her exhale wavers when she lifts her hands to cup his face in return, as if that might steady her a little, just to touch him. ]

It's not just you. [ Her voice is barely there — a ragged whisper. ] I love you. [ Again, quieter, rougher: ] I love you.

I've always loved you. [ He confesses in a breathless rush, emotion thick in his voice even as he's trying to hold it together. ]

I've always loved you, Andy, even when I was trying so hard not to because I wanted to make you happy and if that meant - - [ He faltered, his forehead sliding a little lower against hers, pressing hard. He had to suck in a breath to steady himself, to have the words come out even and not as broken as they felt in his throat. He only half succeed. ]

Andy, I would have stayed with you until my dying breath and never regretted it for a second.

I love you so much.

[ It's the same sentiments they've always said to each other. That undying loyalty, a promise to always stay together — only now, the part that was unspoken all this time is out in the open, and she isn't sure if her heart feels more free or more heavy for it. This is a terrible time to confess to love, when everything is unbalanced and uncertain. When they're being hunted. But she needed to say it. And — for all her selfish hypocrisy, she needed to hear it too. ]

You're a damn fool, you know that? [ But there's no bite to it. She's too raw with emotion, exposed in a way she so rarely is. ] You could've been with anybody. But you picked the girl who broke your heart.

[ That probably makes her the fool, doesn't it? A lucky fool, too. Because he's still here, and he still loves her, all these years later. ]

I've never wanted anyone else. [ Each breath feels faltering, a slight tremble in his hands just from everything wound up inside him and threatening to burst. ]

I never, ever wanted anyone but you, Andy, and I didn't care what it meant or how many times you broke my heart.

It was yours to break, anyway.

[ He deserves so much better. Is it too late for her to try and give him that now? After so much has been taken away from them already... But if she doesn't try now, then when? With an attack like this, who knows how long they'll be on the run or how long their lives will be threatened. It has to be now. She has to give them as much time to be together as possible. She's already wasted so many years. ]

Mine is yours too. Has been, even when I was pretending like it wasn't.

[ It's hard, admitting these things — but not as hard as the thought of losing him. ]

Give me one more chance. [ A quiet murmur as she tilts her head, just brushing her lips against his. ] Take me back.

[ He drew in a shakey breath, brushing his thumb over her cheek as a stray lock of hair slipped to just touch his knuckles. ]

I can't.

[ Far too soft, but he was leaning in further, not quite a kiss so much as just closing the space between their lips so he could speak into it. ]

I can't, because I never let you go.

[ It's more softness than she's shown or accepted in so long that it feels a little foreign — and at the same time, it's almost too familiar, a nostalgic reminder of that fleeting moment when they were young and belonged to one another. It makes regret swell in her chest as she looks at him from under her eyelashes — a certain melancholy that seems all the heavier for the things they've been through today. But she can't change the past — not without a Time-Turner anyway — so it seems all she can do to lean in and press an apologetic kiss to his mouth. ]

Survive this with me. [ Her hands press a little harder to his face. ] Once the dust is settled... Then I'll make it all up to you.

[ He almost sighs into the kiss, his eyes sliding shut. He doesn't press back hard - just enough to cement the fact that he was returning it. ]

If we survive this, Andy, everything is forgiven. [ He murmured lowly. ] Just survive it, I don't care about anything else right now.

[ She lingers for a moment, finding it difficult in that moment to pull away — and compromising, finally, by pressing one more brief kiss to his mouth before she withdraws. They really do have to get the wards reinforced. None of what they've said to each other will matter if dark wizards come knocking at the door en masse. ]

You should rest. Looked like you took a pretty good hit to the head. I'll be back in a few.

[ Ignoring the aches of her own body — and a deep desire to just stay with him a while — she straightens up, gripping her wand as she moves for the door. She'll make a perimeter, then circle back in towards the house. Then, small gods willing, they'll be able to catch a few spare winks of sleep. ]

[ He really, really doesn't want to let her go, but he has to, so he does. As soon as she's out of sight, everything that happened at the ministry threatens to flood right back over him, and he grits his teeth as he heads into the house. Everything is exactly as he left it - exactly as his parents left it - as if they just went for an afternoon walk. He doesn't do what he's told - can't rest - so instead he goes to the cold cellar and mutters as he starts unfreezing provisions. There wasn't a lot. Just a few casks of EverBread and a few bottles of wine. They were going to have to find supplies somehow, but they could last a few days on this and the overgrown remnants of his parents garden.

He stepped up from the cellar as soon as he heard footsteps, and despite himself he drew his wand, heart going a third again too fast as he slowly came to the top of the stairs, wand already in hand -

And then immediately sighed when he saw it was her. Of course it was her. Who else would it be? ]

Sorry. Jumpy.

[ She only raises her eyebrows slightly at him in response, her answer tinged in her usual dryness: ]

You know it'd be a real damper on your sex life if you hexed me, right?

[ But even though she plays it cool, there's small tells that betray she's still worried — her wryness is a little distracted, and her shoulders carry a lingering tension as she turns to cast one last protective enchantment on the front door as she nudges it shut behind her. ]

I cast a caterwauling charm a ways out. Should be loud enough to wake us, if something or someone gets to close.

[ Just as wryly: ]

Depends on the hex. Jelly legs might be interesting.

[ But he slid his wand back into place as he stepped up to her, reaching for her hand almost automatically. ]

Okay. I can't see how anyone would know to find us here - unless they captured Leua, but then we'd have bigger things to worry about. But I thought we were safe in the ministry, too.

Hogwarts / Wizarding World AU

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