sekkritaus | Rex / Andy / Poe Freelance Heroes AU

[ Andy has, in the meantime, given up trying to make her legs work and has instead taken up staring at her own lower limbs as if they've betrayed her, apparently in cahoots with the two people she's desperately in love with against her own will. It's decidedly unbecoming for a woman of her years to be this petulant about anything, but honestly, she must not give a fuck, because she's blatantly sulking when she slumps down onto the floor, laying there on her back and pointed her disgruntled expression up at the ceiling. ]

...It was a good shot.

[ She can admit that, even if she's still pissed at being the victim of said good shot. Easier than admitting anything else that needs admitting right now, anyway. ]

Fuck.

[ A muttered curse. She lifts one arm and drapes it over her eyes. It's hard to say if it's a half-hearted insult or a begrudging compliment when she goes on: ]

You're a couple of fucking stubborn bastards, you know that? [ A huffing exhale. ] What the hell am I supposed to do with you.

Of course it was a good shot, every shot I take is a good shot, that doesn't change when I'm shooting at stubborn idiots.

[ So much for humility. He reaches out, though, tugging at Rex's calf. Look. If they were going to be on the floor anyway, they may as well all be on the floor. ]

You could admit I'm right, for one, [ Poe muttered. ] You don't need to say anything to us, Andy, that was never the point. I just - I just want to be together. All of us. At the same time.

That's it.

Edited 2018-12-22 06:01 (UTC)

I'm not going to --

[ Rex makes a disgruntled sound in the back of his throat, stomping around a little as he's wont to do before begrudgingly acquiescing to Poe's request and sitting heavily on the ground. He glowers at the both of them, still worked up with no good place to put it, then exhales, shaking his head. ]

Fundamentally speaking, Andy, what's changed? Because I'm not seeing a big difference here. Neither of us are asking you to do or say anything you don't want to do.

[ It's part of why he'd agreed to - to lie with Poe in the first place. He'd known that not only could he say no, but that saying no was welcome, that Poe wanted little for himself beyond what they were willing to give. He'd been safe with Poe. They both are. Rex isn't sure if he'd trust anyone with that sort of thing in his whole life if he hadn't met Poe along the way. ]

As far as I'm concerned, nothing's changed. A little more's out loud now. That's all.

I don't have to admit shit.

[ It's almost fucking petulant. Look at her, old as dirt and half being stubborn for the sake of it now, because she's sour at being called out (and stunned, that too). The other half is... Fuck. It's just — their certainty frustrates her. How honest and simple they make the whole damn thing seem when she's been burying these feelings down deep for what feels like an age now, worrying that it would make her weak — that it would make the whole team vulnerable. Unwilling to say the words because she didn't want to know if she'd hear them back or not. Angry at herself for even caring about that.

Not that trying to keep it secret did her any good. Even when they'd fought, Poe had looked her in the face and told her he was sure enough of her feelings that he didn't even need her to say the words. He was saying the same thing to her now, even after the terrible lies she told. All that shit about not loving him and not loving Rex. He'd been hurt, but he hadn't believed her. So how fucking transparent has she been this whole time? ]

Fuck you both. [ Her voice cracks a little, rough around the edges. ] Fuck you for saying you love me. And fuck you for making it sound easy.

[ Fuck you both, she says, and it literally takes everything in Poe's power not to immediately and wryly shoot back 'That's the idea'. Not a good time. Even he can tell it's really not a good time for that, right now.

Instead, he takes a terrible track in a different way: ]

Yeah, we're monsters for loving you. But man, Andy, if you think running after you for five days is the easy way to love someone, what the hell do you think is the hard route?

Does it involve a firefight? Because I think I've had enough of shooting at you today.

[ It wouldn't have been easy for Rex, if the tables were turned. He remembers seeing Cut and his wife and his children, seeing their happiness, their carefully-preserved domesticity and thinking it cruel. If it had been him and Poe and him and Poe alone, would he have stayed? He's not so sure.

But with the three of them, Poe will always have someone else, and Andy will always have Poe, until --

That's the sticking point, isn't it? That one day, it's all going to go away. So Andy ran now to save herself the pain of the future. And, as obstinate and cruel as she's been, she's not wholly wrong in that desire. Rex stares hard at the ground for a long moment, lips thinning as he goes over every barbed word she's thrown out, the desperation with which she's been fighting, the way that she crept back in secret for reasons beyond his knowledge. When he looks up again, he meets Andy's eyes, stare as intense and steadfast as it ever is. ]

Enough of this. Enough about how we feel on the matter. Speak truly now, Andy. Do you want to leave? Is that why you came back? To get your things and go?

[ If the answer is yes, then they'll let her go. They must. That's the beauty of what they've created: Rex had given both of them ample opportunity to leave him at the next spaceport, but they chose to stay. Without that choice, they're nothing. ]

[ To her credit, despite the cowardice of the past five days, Andy doesn't look away. She meets Rex's stare with her own, steady and stubborn. Even though that question feels as though it puts her under a pin. Do you want to leave? And all evidence to the contrary — no, she doesn't want to leave. If she'd wanted to go, she'd be gone, wouldn't she? But something kept her from trying hard enough to disappear. Something stupid and sentimental — the thing that she struggles to verbalize now.

If she was ever really committed to sparing herself the pain and heartbreak, she'd say yes, no matter what the truth is. But it takes her a long time to answer. Too long. Long enough to be telling. Her silence betrays her before she even manages to work up the words. ]

I came back for you idiots. I came back because this piece of shit ship is home now. [ She can only get it out with the barbs peppered in, and even then, her answer grates on the way out, difficult and too honest. ] Because I couldn't make myself leave you even though I know that it'll hurt worse later if I don't. [ Biting and bitter: ] Of course I love you. Why the hell else would I be this fucking stupid?

[ It really is to Andy's credit, that she could keep Rex's gaze. Poe couldn't. Poe couldn't look at either of them, swallowing thickly as Rex bluntly asked what Poe desperately wanted to know but hadn't been able to bring himself to ask. Just cover it all in frustration and bravado. But he couldn't make Andy stay if she really didn't want to be here. And a part of him was honestly terrified that she didn't - that Rex wouldn't want to, either, once everything started falling apart. Of course, he'd never admit that to them. He didn't know what he'd do without them. He didn't want to think about it. This was where he belonged.

So he went uncharacteristically quiet, lips thinning and he grew still, the pause before Andy answered seeming to stretch on for a hundred years.

When she finally spoke, he slumped back against the bulkhead. He didn't voice his relief aloud. It was still too begrudging an agreement to feel very good. And besides - Rex really seemed to be handling this better than him. Better to just let him handle it before he said something stupid and made it worse.

At least she was here. ]

Edited 2018-12-29 02:13 (UTC)

[ As the silence draws on and Poe draws ever inwards, Rex reaches out and lays his hand atop Poe's. It's done so quietly and subtly that it can almost be mistaken for a mistake. He doesn't even look Poe's way - it's as though he had reached out for balance and had put his hand on Poe's by chance alone. There's nothing accidental about the way his fingers curl around Poe's knuckles, though, firm as can be.

Hearing Andy finally say it, though - he didn't realize what a punch to the gut it would be until he says it, the rush of relief flooding him as unfamiliar as it is unwelcome, his breath catching in his throat and his heart hammering in his chest. He had thought -- yes, she wanted to stay. But he couldn't be sure. He didn't know how uncertain he was until it's out in the open, that she'd stay with them if given a choice, that her ties are strong enough that this isn't home to him and him alone, that these people aren't home to him and him alone. ]

And you haven't even seen me with my clothes off, [ he shoots back at her. After that, though, there are no words that will do, nothing any of them can say to make this easier, to salve the wound that is Andy wanting so desperately to leave and wanting so desperately not to love them. It's not how any of this should go.

He looks away for a moment, making a dismissive sound in the back of his throat. Pathetic. He's not just Rex. He's Rex of the five-oh-first, right-hand man to none other than the chosen one himself, fearlessly traversing the Outer Rim, leader of Torrent Squad, example to the finest. He's no coward.

Fuck that. He's still a Captain. It's time that he damn well acts like one. And so, boldly, he crawls forward a step and he kisses her. It's nothing like the hesitant, fumbling way he'd kissed Poe at first, slowly, almost leisurely figuring out what it's all about. It's swift and it's hard, hand rising to cup at the side of her face before he draws away with the same sort of quickness that almost distracts from the tremble in his hand and his voice alike. ]

Then it's settled. You're staying.

[ Apparently Poe isn't the only one taking good shots at her today — and deserving of it all as she is, Andy still has the nerve to be riled by it, some smartass comeback rising fast in her throat, antagonistic bullshit that would be so much easier to say that the rest —

But then Rex is kissing her, and everything comes to a screeching halt.

Oh.

Fuck.

Yeah. Okay. She's staying. ]

...Great. Wonderful. So glad we could figure this all out. [ She mutters at length, pressing a hand to her mouth briefly before glancing off, annoyed to be a litle flustered — like she's a blushing teenage girl instead of a cranky old woman. This isn't her first rodeo, to be flustered by one kiss. There wasn't even any tongue. ] Now can I go change and sleep in my own bed? Or are there any more life-changing announcements anyone wants to get off their chest?

[ Rex's fingers around his are far more of a support than he lets on, and when Rex finally kisses Andy, a piece of that painful twist in his chest releases. Not all of it. He still feels twisted up and unsettled but at least the world doesn't feel like it's going to fall out from under him.

He lets out a breath and stands up. ]

I'll go get us off this rock. I'm about eight hundred percent done with this place.

[ He moved to pass Rex, giving a grateful squeeze on his shoulder as he prepared to walk by. ]

... All right.

[ This time, Rex lets Poe go. It helps that the sooner they're off the rock, the sooner things get back to normal - which is to say, they're not giving Andy another chance to get skittish and run off on them. Once Poe's out of view, Rex edges closer to Andy, leaning against the wall beside her.

Now that it's done, he feels as though he's floundering in uncharted waters, made almost bashful by his own forwardness and still all keyed up from what has to be one of the most tumultuous day their little trio has ever had. ]

You can go to bed as soon as your legs start working again.

[ He doesn't quite look at her. As much as he's the one who pressed the point that nothing's really changed, in one quick moment, it seems like everything has. He doesn't know what to do with it, or how it's going to turn out. ]

...you really hurt him, you know, [ he says, quiet enough so that there's no chance that Poe can hear. BB-8 may be able to hear, but that little droid knows more about discretion than most humans. ] He's the one who's been guiding us from the start.

[ Rex owes him. So does Andy, though she may not feel like it right now. What Poe really deserves, though, is an apology. He may not be getting one today, or tomorrow, or next month, or even next year, not out loud. It's not her way. But there are things she may yet be able to do. ]

[ She knows. She meant to hurt him, in the moment — because that felt like the only way to convince him he wasn't in love with her, or that even if he was, it wouldn't be the way he hoped it would. In hindsight, it was probably stupid to think she could shake Poe Dameron so easily anyway — especially with such half-hearted efforts, lies that were cruel but also transparent. Pain she caused him for nothing. Dwelling on that, watching Poe's back as he walks away now makes an odd little pang flare up in her chest. She said she loves him, but she's been so unfair to him. Unkind. And even after all the lies, he still came looking for her. Still slept in her bed, waiting for her. He...

Fuck. Fuck's sake.

She wishes Rex wouldn't call her out on these things. She wishes Rex wasn't always so fucking right. Andy just makes a low, frustrated noise as she covers her face in one hand, tired and still half-annoyed with everything — herself most of all. ]

I can't take it back. [ The words are low, barely there and weary. ] I... [ A huffing exhale. ] I'm not any fucking good at this. I knew I wouldn't be. I tried to tell you — [ She grits her teeth, funneling her frustration into an attempt to stand up, bracing herself against the wall. ] I didn't mean to love either of you so much. I didn't mean to need you. And I don't understand why it doesn't scare you or him like it fucking scares me.

It's not that you're not good at this. It's that you gave up before you even tried.

[ Maybe now's not the time to say it. Maybe his bluntness is unwelcome, in this hazy time. But it has to be said. If it were just he and Andy, Rex would let it go - hell, nothing would have happened in the first place. He'd take whatever Andy had to say on the chin. But he'd seen the way Poe had reacted, the way he'd gone drawn in and quiet, far more terrible than anything he could have done out of sheer rage or frustration, and as much as Rex has come to realize that he loves Andy, he loves Poe too. He doesn't only need to make this right for himself. He needs to make it right for him.

Maybe he should reach out, help Andy to her feet as she tries to shake off the last of the paralysis. But she earned this, so he doesn't. ]

You can still make it up to him. By trying. You will make it up to him. I know you will, [ he says quietly, quiet enough that there's no chance of Poe overhearing. If he can just get it through her skull, she'll do it. By - oh, he doesn't know. Saying it back, without the anger. Holding him. Swearing her fealty throug actions, not through words. ]

What is there to be scared of, Andy?

[ How is it that she can stare down the barrel of a blaster without breaking a sweat, but when Rex asks her these questions, the fight or flight instinct is so strong it's a wonder one of her secondary organs doesn't just burst? Her heart is beating too hard in her chest, and it's not from the effort of getting back to her feet. It isn't her half-numb legs making her feel so heavy. It's... Fuck. ]

I don't — [ Frustration pulls at the volume of her voice. It takes conscious effort to drop the words low again — not that it does much for the heat in her tone. ] I don't want to have something to lose. I don't want to fucking live with it if something happens to one of you and I can't stop it. I don't want to be here alone two hundred years from now clinging to fading memories of what it was like when we were together.

[ She's gotten worked up again. It's not like her — to show so much open, vulnerable emotion all at once. This is different. This... ]

Look at this fucking mess. This is where I'm at, and we've all barely said the words to each other. It terrifies me to think how much more I'll love you in a year. In ten years. In twenty! [ Her voice strains, tight and thin. ] But like an idiot, I still want to be with you. So tell me what the fuck I'm supposed to do about that.

You think I've never thought about leaving? [ Rex hisses back, still quiet, still not wanting Poe to hear. He'd tried to see if they wanted him to leave more than once, had brought up every reason they had to leave him, and they didn't. Now, there's an even better reason to leave: so that he won't subject them to the same cruelty any clone subjects any natural-borns to. ] I even told my commanding officer not to get attached. Now look at where we are.

[ He lost something along the way. A little of his edge, he supposes, the sharpness he used to carry around with him, protecting himself as much as it was protecting others, that in-born desire for camaraderie warring with the desire to keep others at arm's length, knowing how their lives could be swiftly brought to an end at any time. He rises to his feet. ]

It's too late. If either of us were to leave, we should've done it months ago. But that would hurt that man in there far more than if we were to stay and he were to lose us that way. And I don't -- [ He wrinkles his nose, scowling. He so rarely has had the opportunity to think about what he wants; his impulse is still that it's a selfish thing, to declare what you want and to go out and take it. ] And I don't want to.

[ And deep down, he doesn't know that Andy wants to either. He reaches out and grasps at her wrist, half supporting her, half confronting her. ]

So. What you're supposed to do with that is you're supposed to stay. And you're going to tell him that without it sounding like you're trying to rip off your own skin. I've never known you to be a coward. And I'm no coward either. So we face this for what it is. And we face it together, just as we've faced every other thing that's come our way.

[ No. He's right. He's right about her — she doesn't want to leave them. If she did, she would've tried harder than a little hide and seek. She wouldn't have come back. She wouldn't have bothered to argue even, she just — fuck. Fuck's sake. It's too late now. He's right about that too. The time to cut this off passed a while ago, and even though she knew she was getting too attached, she didn't stop herself.

That, and... Some part of her does want to be here. She — wants this to work. More than she cares to admit out loud. She just. Isn't sure yet that it will. She could drive herself crazy with all the reasons that it won't. She damn near did, these past five days. Just arguing with herself back and forth, over and over —

Rex's hand closes around her wrist, drawing her attention back. Making her present again. A reminder that it isn't just about her own struggle — that this territory isn't difficult only for her. Whatever else there is, they're a team, the three of them. None of them has functioned alone for a long time now. And they — they've been trying with her, being honest with her and giving her chances despite her selfishness, even now. Poe was brave to tell her how he felt. And how often is it that Rex says aloud that he does or doesn't want something? They're trying. So why can't she? ]

...Together. [ She echoes the word in answer at length. Her eyes linger for a moment on the place where his hand encircles her wrist before she looks up at him, a certain wryness in her voice when she goes on: ] To the bitter end? [ Fuck. She's really in this now, isn't she? Andy exhales heavily. ] Look, I'm staying, alright? I'm staying. The rest — [ The rest... ] I'll try.

[ Quieter: ]

I promise I'll try.

[ For a moment, Rex is prepared to continue being angry. For some reason, he didn't expect that Andy would concede the point, that she'd finally relent and say that she'll try. It's technically a success, though he can't help that knot of anger that's still in his gut, mostly just energy without anywhere to put it.

It's a good thing, though. It's more than he ever expected out of her at this point. He would have taken any concession at this point, quite frankly. ]

All right. [ He eyes her for a moment, then sighs, some of the tension easing from out of his frame. ] I've never known you to fail at anything you've tried before, you know. Even if it involves bashing the hell out of my nose.

[ Oh, he's going to smack her in retaliation one of these days. Even he knows that doing it now isn't in any of their best interest. ]

Go on, then. I'm not the only person you have to say that to.

[ He nods towards the cockpit. Poe deserves to hear it just as much as he does and, quite frankly, Rex wants to give the two of them a moment alone. They may all have love for each other, but Poe's the one who's been sleeping in her bed, the one she'd lashed out at in the first place and, as Andy had aptly pointed out, the only one who'd seen her naked. It's about time. ]

[ Honestly, Andy wasn't sure she would concede the point either. But whatever else there is — whatever else she struggles with, whatever words she'd half-rather choke on than say aloud — she does love them. More than she thought she was still capable of, after all these years. Weary as she is, something about these two stubborn bastards makes some part of her want to try again, even though she rest of her resists the vulnerability of sentiments like love and hope.

She lingers a moment, pausing before she reaches out to roughly thumb away a little trickle of blood from under Rex's nose. ]

I did warn you that I'd kick your ass.

[ It's a quiet wryness, a bit fond and a bit tired too. Parting words before she turns to make the walk to the cockpit. She doesn't know if this conversation will be harder or easier than the one she just had — only that it might as well happen now. The worst that happens is she and Poe fight again, and it wouldn't be the first time anyway.

With a heavy exhale to announce herself, Andy ducks into the cockpit and sinks into the copilot's seat. For a long moment, she says nothing to Poe at all — just takes a second to light herself a cigarette, taking a puff or two off of it before finally speaking: ]

...Well. You were right. So there's that.

[ Poe was already finishing up his flight checks - actually taking his time to run through the sequence properly, rather than blast through it like he did when they were running from something. Mostly just so that he had something to think about that wasn't the unsettling way his stomach was twisting.

After getting a half second to cool down, something very unpleasant had occurred to him. Had he basically just coerced Andy into all of this? Just emotionally manipulated her until she capitulated? He couldn't really tell himself that he hadn't, especially with how grudging her final admittance was, and Poe couldn't help but turn it over and over in his head as he flicked every switch in the cabin, relaying its status over the comms to BB-8 in the engine room.

When Andy stepped in, he instinctively tensed, half ready for another fight. ]

You worked pretty hard to prove me wrong. So I'm not totally sure how right I was. But as long as you're - long as we're all here, it's fine. It'll work out.

Poe... [ She sighs quietly, lifting a hand to rub a knuckle between her eyebrows. ] You were right.

[ A little more emphasis, this time. Because even if she did fight it, and fight it hard, it wasn't ever because he was wrong. No. He'd seen straight through her without even trying. Past every wall she put up, every lie she told. She'd felt... Exposed. Vulnerable in a way she hadn't been in a century, at least. Suffices to say that her defensive gut instinct wasn't a kind one.

Too bad she's almost as terrible at apologies as she is at confessing her feelings. It takes her another long moment to work the words up, and several pulls on her cigarette.

Finally, lowly: ]

I shouldn't have lied to you. I... [ Another exhale. ] I do love you, alright? More than I know what to do with.

[ He's glad that he has something to do with his hands during her silence - even if he does end up flipping some of the switches twice just to look like he's busier than he is.

He isn't sure what he's expecting to hear. Maybe something about how he needed to give her time, or that this kind of thing wasn't easy for her, and that he needed to respect that.

Or that he'd manipulated her into this at all.

He was not expecting her to lowly murmur that she loved him. Despite everything that had just happened. So his head turned immediately, the surprise registering on his face before a strange, painful wave washed over him. Not painful in a bad way, exactly. Just a sharp, thorough feeling, like he'd passed through a force field. ]

... You don't have to do much with it, Andy. [ He said after a moment, turning his head back to his controls. ] You know that's not why I - I didn't do any of this to make you do something, alright? Hell, I didn't even... I didn't even need you to say anything, I just... wanted you to know, I guess.

[ A pause, a mumble: ] I just get really worked up about Rex. [ He'd fight a Rancor bare fisted if it dared to look funny at the clone. ]

[ She huffs out a breath that might have been a half-hearted laugh, if she could be assed to try a bit harder. Smoke wisps from her mouth as it curves up faintly in a wry, fleeting expression. Shaking her head a little, she shifts in the copilot's chair to tuck her legs up, curling into her seat. It's rueful when she answers, a little tired and a little quiet. ]

I know you do.

[ A little fond, too. ]

I'm the one you shot earlier, remember?

Well, you were kind of being a dick. [ He's not going to pull punches about it. Sure, he feels a lot less righteous than he did in that moment, but. ]

But I shouldn't have stunned you.

I just didn't know what the hell else to do. I've seen you guys fight. I don't really want to see you fight each other.

[ She shrugs lightly, a small motion of her shoulders under her jacket as she smokes, all curled up in her chair. ]

I don't know. Between you and me? [ Wryly: ] I wouldn't mind trying to pin him down.

[ A small pause, as she tilts her head, resting it on her knees as she watches Poe, contemplating him. Her eyes are softer than the mild edge of mockery makes her voice. ]

Besides, it's kind of hot when you pull off a shot like that. Really makes a girl's heart race, even when half her body is paralyzed.

Rex / Andy / Poe Freelance Heroes AU

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