sekkritaus | Rex / Andy / Poe Freelance Heroes AU

Rex / Andy / Poe Freelance Heroes AU

TIMELINE
* indicates NSFW

Andy and Poe meet *
Andy and Poe's first gig *
Rex Meet Cute
Poe makes Andy the Copilot *
Poe and Rex have a Pleasant Evening *
Poe gets Andy off talking about how hot Rex is when he makes an O face *
Poe confesses his feelings for Andy, she storms off
Poe tells Rex about Andy storming off and accidentally confesses feelings for him too
Finally getting the stupid woman back on the ship
Andy and Rex "spar"
Poe getting to say "I love you" to Andy during sex and not getting punched *
Poe and Andy get snacks for Rex, or try to anyway
Poe gets himself hurt
Poe wakes up and gets lectured at by Andy
Then by Rex
Poe Tells Andy he wants to marry them at the worst possible moment *
Andy and Poe propose to Rex

UNSURE TIMELINE:
Bounty Posters

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Her head turns sharply at the sound of Poe's voice, that penetrating stare of hers finding him and that blaster with an annoyed pinch of her eyebrows. She glances first at him — there in the hallway in his undershorts — then at the weapon, and she seems unconvinced that she'll actually be shot. Or maybe she just doesn't give a shit if she is because she's just that pissed off.

Not at Poe though, no matter what he says. It's not...This is her own fault. After all this time and all the things she's lost, she's supposed to know better. She shouldn't be sticking around long enough to fall in love with one person, let alone two. ]

Don't tell me what to do. You don't get the fucking decide if I stay or if I go — [ Frustrated, she strains against the barrier of Rex's forearm — even if it's a token fight, because the truth is, she already feels a little guilty, just to see the blood on his face. ] And I don't know what the hell you've been saying to each other, but you don't get to decide how I fucking feel either.

[ It's a front, as if she could ever really make herself leave for good — as if Poe hadn't been right about how she does feel — half-lies, though at least none so painful and untrue as the ones she spat out during their argument five days ago. ]

[ They haven't hit each other, which is good, but Rex is bleeding, which is bad, and Poe is scared and angry and hurt even as he takes a step forward, blaster still raised. ]

Fine, then just forget it. [ It's a sharp bite and it's impossible not to hear the hurt in his voice, but he's still stepping closer. ] You were perfectly happy ignoring it in the first place so just forget I said a fucking thing, if you hate it that much. [ She was so close to repeating the bullshit that she'd said to him to Rex, and he couldn't deal with that. She was allowed to beat the hell out of his heart, but Rex's was off limits. ]

Sit the hell down and act like fucking adults.

[ Rex had been ready to argue. He's got plenty to say - more than he thought he did, if he was being honest. He'd known he was unhappy Andy was gone but he didn't know how much it had affected him by now, how riled up he'd get at her easy dismissal of everything they've built up together, the anger burning in his gut that she'd rather fight than sit down and talk about whatever it is that really transpired between Poe and Andy. His mouth is open, in fact, ready for a quick retort that will likely do no more than make things worse. He doesn't care. He's never been one to mince words and today's not going to be the day he tries subtlety on for size.

But then Poe speaks, and all the fight winds out of him. Saying these things out loud has never been important to him. And, frankly, reciprocation has never been important to him either. It's never mattered whether or not he was as important to these two idiots as they are to him. But it's important to Poe, isn't it? If it wasn't, he wouldn't have said anything in the first place. He would have just rode along whatever the kriff this was, the same as he and Andy have. It's only then that he lets his arms fall back to his sides, looking over at Poe instead of angry, brow creased. ]

Poe, [ he says, helpless, beseeching, but that only lasts a moment before he's squaring his shoulders again, a certain ferocity in the set of his jaw. ]

She can forget it all she wants. I won't.

[ And hell, if Poe won't protect himself, Rex will protect him for him. He may not be holding Andy back physically, but he's still placed squarely between the two without any apparent intention to move. ]

Right. Because that's the kind of thing I can just forget. [ She snaps back defensively, agitated in her movements as she straightens her jacket out with a few rough tugs. ] Take some fucking responsibility.

[ As if Poe had done something to her — by telling her he loved her and Rex. Or by calling her out on her own feelings. Feelings that she'd thought she was keeping well under wraps, never to see the light of day. It leaves her raw and frustrated, knowing he's right about her and wanting it to be less intensely true than it is. Yes, she feels something for them — but that's stupid and sentimental of her, and it only means that everything will hurt more later.

How can she say the words out loud when the only thing that gives her is a heart broken twice over when they're gone? ]

You don't know what you're asking for. [ Her hard stare turns on Rex, accusing. ] Neither of you knows what the fuck this is. [ It's cruel when she speaks, sharp like the knife she keeps in her boot — things she'll regret saying a second after the words are free, though maybe some part of her hopes her cruelty will lay this to rest forever. ] One of you would fall in love with just about anybody, and the other hasn't even alive long enough to be in love before. I've loved people longer than both of your lives combined. And I'm telling you that all you've fucking done is set us all up to be hurt.

[ Rex saying his name like that was enough to get the muzzle of the blaster to drop a little, some of the anger ebbing into exhaustion instead.

But then Andy started talking.

Take some fucking responsibility, she tells him, like he's the one that just ran away for five days and was trying to run away again. A dark look crosses his face and pulls the edge of his lip up to bear his teeth.

Then he fires.

The thing with Poe, is that he's a surprising good shot, and he knows how blasters work. Even on stun settings. He knows that if he hits the bulkhead just behind her knees, he can bounce the force off the wall and dull some of the impact, so when it ricochets and hits her, it's just enough to cause paralysis in her lower half and not enough to knock her out. No way is he letting her out of this argument that easy. ]

I have never loved anything like how I love the two of you, [ He hissed, as if he was cursing her. He set the safety on and the tossed the blaster down at Rex's feet like it disgusted him. ] So if you're trying to save either of us pain with this bantha shit, you're doing one terrible fucking job, Andy.

[ Because nothing had ever hurt worse than this. ]

I'm taking off. Stun her again if you have to. She's not leaving this damn ship until she stops fucking lying to me. [ And goes to push past the both of them to get to the cockpit. ]

What -- [ Rex had plenty to say before Poe went ahead and stunned Andy. He reflexively reaches out, catching her by the crook of her elbow to keep her propped up, legs dangling uselessly beneath her. And then Poe tries to leave. He grabs onto his elbow too, his grasp just as firm. ] What are you -- now, hold on!

[ It's rare that he feels truly out of his depth, but he feels it now, all of his anger and fear tipping into something more clear-headed. This is stupid. This whole ordeal is stupid. All that anyone is saying is simply reaffirming their love for one another in the worst way possible and now they're fighting about it. He rounds on Andy. ]

You absolute ass! [ He can't say that she was wholly wrong about him. He's loved before. He's loved dearly. But he's never been in love and his inexperience runs so deep that poor Poe had to tell him how he felt before he managed to figure it out. So he doesn't run with that. ] I know exactly what this is, and so does Poe. You're the only one who has a problem with it. I love that man, and god help me, for some reason I love you too, and I don't give a bantha's ass whether or not you can say the same. [ Never before has a declaration of love sounded so much like chiding an errant child, his voice raised and cheeks blooming red, eyes wild. ] You do not speak to him that way, and you don't get to make the decision of how we're dealing with this for us. I'd already lost everything before I met you idiots.

[ She knows that full well. He'd been stranded when they'd found him, away from his home, his family, from everyone he's ever known and loved. All that he ever loved died the same day the Republic did, either struck down where they stood or corrupted beyond reason, wholly unrecognizable as the men they once were.

And then he rounds on Poe. ] And you! You are not leaving me with this mess!

[ He drags them both towards him and towards each other with a real danger of simply knocking their heads together. ]

You are going to stay here, and you are going to sort your shit out! Now! [ He lets go of them both, sending Andy hurtling down to the ground, flinging his arms up in the air in a rare show of unrestrained emotion, even if that emotion happens to be exasperation. His voice rises further into the loud, commanding sort of timbre one would use to get people's attention in a military bunker, only it's absolutely unnecessary in their small quarters. It's easy to forget his previous position much of the time, happy as he is to take the others' leads, but now he sounds every inch the Captain he once was, even if the substance of what he says is anything but professional. ]

This is ridiculous! You don't have the right to hold your age over us when you're acting like a child!

[ Is it so much to deal with matters of the heart with some goddamn dignity? Is that really so much to ask for? ]

We are going to sit down, and we are going to talk! [ He waves a finger in Andy's face. ] And that includes you!

Fuck! [ He shot her. He actually fucking shot her. ] What the hell, Dameron — [ She's half-shouting over Rex now, pissed off that she's stunned from the waist down and pissed off twofold because she can't help being half-impressed. ] Fucking —

[ She's not even really listening — yes, she's an ass, yes, she's the one with the big fucking problem, and — wait, what? Rex can't just — say that to her! Like, really? Right now? When he's got her limply dangling by one arm and they're all yelling at each other in the hallway? Don't either of these jerks have any sense of timing?

Though maybe it is strategic, in a way, because it does get her to shut up and stop fighting long enough for him to get his words out. At least up until the point where he drops her. ]

Are you kidding me — [ Thump. She hits the floor with her teeth bared in annoyance. Did she earn that? Absolutely. Is it dignified? Not at all. ] What is it with you two and just saying those damn words whenever you feel like it? Fuck. [ It's honestly a little overwhelming. She can't understand it. She's done nothing but be terrible these past several days, whether with her words or with her absence. She doesn't deserve that sentiment. She can't... ] What's wrong with you? [ She glares hotly at Poe first. ] I am a liar. I've said awful shit to you. And you — [ That dark, stormy stare hits Rex next. ] You haven't even seen me with my clothes off before!

[ As if the only time she has any redeeming qualities is when she's in the nude. ]

[ He gets stopped in his tracks by Rex's grip, and then again but more firmly by all the yelling. He gets released so quickly that despite (supposedly) having full control of his legs, he still slams hard down onto his ass opposite Andy. Nice. Fan-fucking-tastic.

He's glaring at them both like a sullen child, not least because Rex is being impossibly hot right now, and the love declaration goes far from unnoticed, but he resents it happening when he is not in a position to do anything actually productive with it.

He doesn't try to get back up, though, adequately chastised into staying. ]

Like your clothes have any damn thing to do with it. [ Bitingly. As if he hadn't set off this whole mess by suggesting that the they get naked together. ] It's not about the sex, Andy, and I yeah you said some fucking bullshit to me, so why don't you just apologize for it instead of trying to dig yourself a hole to the equator.

You're so worried about getting hurt later that you haven't noticed that we're already fucked anyway. What the hell do you think we would do without you?

Edited 2018-12-22 03:45 (UTC)

Your being naked has nothing to do with it. We've been fighting beside each other for long enough, [ Rex snaps, because honestly. Having feelings for someone with none of the sex may be the worst case scenario for Andy but while Rex can't deny the appeal of what his mind has been extremely unhelpfully conjuring up ever since Poe brought the possibility to his attention, sex has very little to do with it. Andy's an ass. She's crude, she's mean and, right now, she's being an enormously petty liar who Rex would command to clean out the latrines for the next two months if he still had that sort of power. But she's also one of the most incredible people he's ever met.

He crosses his arms, scowling down at the two of them. He did say he wanted to talk, but he's not entirely certain where to go from here. ]

He's right, you know. If you wanted to avoid this whole ordeal, you would have left a long time ago. It's all going to end the same way, no matter what you do. Not that any shots needed to be fired today.

[ Strong words from the man who was ready to try his hand at whupping Andy's ass mere minutes ago. He scoops up the blaster in case Andy decides to get her hands on it and frowns down at it. Poe shouldn't have shot her. That was an immature reaction, even if she was throwing out every horrible thing she could think of saying. But... ]

Good shot, though.

[ Andy has, in the meantime, given up trying to make her legs work and has instead taken up staring at her own lower limbs as if they've betrayed her, apparently in cahoots with the two people she's desperately in love with against her own will. It's decidedly unbecoming for a woman of her years to be this petulant about anything, but honestly, she must not give a fuck, because she's blatantly sulking when she slumps down onto the floor, laying there on her back and pointed her disgruntled expression up at the ceiling. ]

...It was a good shot.

[ She can admit that, even if she's still pissed at being the victim of said good shot. Easier than admitting anything else that needs admitting right now, anyway. ]

Fuck.

[ A muttered curse. She lifts one arm and drapes it over her eyes. It's hard to say if it's a half-hearted insult or a begrudging compliment when she goes on: ]

You're a couple of fucking stubborn bastards, you know that? [ A huffing exhale. ] What the hell am I supposed to do with you.

Of course it was a good shot, every shot I take is a good shot, that doesn't change when I'm shooting at stubborn idiots.

[ So much for humility. He reaches out, though, tugging at Rex's calf. Look. If they were going to be on the floor anyway, they may as well all be on the floor. ]

You could admit I'm right, for one, [ Poe muttered. ] You don't need to say anything to us, Andy, that was never the point. I just - I just want to be together. All of us. At the same time.

That's it.

Edited 2018-12-22 06:01 (UTC)

I'm not going to --

[ Rex makes a disgruntled sound in the back of his throat, stomping around a little as he's wont to do before begrudgingly acquiescing to Poe's request and sitting heavily on the ground. He glowers at the both of them, still worked up with no good place to put it, then exhales, shaking his head. ]

Fundamentally speaking, Andy, what's changed? Because I'm not seeing a big difference here. Neither of us are asking you to do or say anything you don't want to do.

[ It's part of why he'd agreed to - to lie with Poe in the first place. He'd known that not only could he say no, but that saying no was welcome, that Poe wanted little for himself beyond what they were willing to give. He'd been safe with Poe. They both are. Rex isn't sure if he'd trust anyone with that sort of thing in his whole life if he hadn't met Poe along the way. ]

As far as I'm concerned, nothing's changed. A little more's out loud now. That's all.

I don't have to admit shit.

[ It's almost fucking petulant. Look at her, old as dirt and half being stubborn for the sake of it now, because she's sour at being called out (and stunned, that too). The other half is... Fuck. It's just — their certainty frustrates her. How honest and simple they make the whole damn thing seem when she's been burying these feelings down deep for what feels like an age now, worrying that it would make her weak — that it would make the whole team vulnerable. Unwilling to say the words because she didn't want to know if she'd hear them back or not. Angry at herself for even caring about that.

Not that trying to keep it secret did her any good. Even when they'd fought, Poe had looked her in the face and told her he was sure enough of her feelings that he didn't even need her to say the words. He was saying the same thing to her now, even after the terrible lies she told. All that shit about not loving him and not loving Rex. He'd been hurt, but he hadn't believed her. So how fucking transparent has she been this whole time? ]

Fuck you both. [ Her voice cracks a little, rough around the edges. ] Fuck you for saying you love me. And fuck you for making it sound easy.

[ Fuck you both, she says, and it literally takes everything in Poe's power not to immediately and wryly shoot back 'That's the idea'. Not a good time. Even he can tell it's really not a good time for that, right now.

Instead, he takes a terrible track in a different way: ]

Yeah, we're monsters for loving you. But man, Andy, if you think running after you for five days is the easy way to love someone, what the hell do you think is the hard route?

Does it involve a firefight? Because I think I've had enough of shooting at you today.

[ It wouldn't have been easy for Rex, if the tables were turned. He remembers seeing Cut and his wife and his children, seeing their happiness, their carefully-preserved domesticity and thinking it cruel. If it had been him and Poe and him and Poe alone, would he have stayed? He's not so sure.

But with the three of them, Poe will always have someone else, and Andy will always have Poe, until --

That's the sticking point, isn't it? That one day, it's all going to go away. So Andy ran now to save herself the pain of the future. And, as obstinate and cruel as she's been, she's not wholly wrong in that desire. Rex stares hard at the ground for a long moment, lips thinning as he goes over every barbed word she's thrown out, the desperation with which she's been fighting, the way that she crept back in secret for reasons beyond his knowledge. When he looks up again, he meets Andy's eyes, stare as intense and steadfast as it ever is. ]

Enough of this. Enough about how we feel on the matter. Speak truly now, Andy. Do you want to leave? Is that why you came back? To get your things and go?

[ If the answer is yes, then they'll let her go. They must. That's the beauty of what they've created: Rex had given both of them ample opportunity to leave him at the next spaceport, but they chose to stay. Without that choice, they're nothing. ]

[ To her credit, despite the cowardice of the past five days, Andy doesn't look away. She meets Rex's stare with her own, steady and stubborn. Even though that question feels as though it puts her under a pin. Do you want to leave? And all evidence to the contrary — no, she doesn't want to leave. If she'd wanted to go, she'd be gone, wouldn't she? But something kept her from trying hard enough to disappear. Something stupid and sentimental — the thing that she struggles to verbalize now.

If she was ever really committed to sparing herself the pain and heartbreak, she'd say yes, no matter what the truth is. But it takes her a long time to answer. Too long. Long enough to be telling. Her silence betrays her before she even manages to work up the words. ]

I came back for you idiots. I came back because this piece of shit ship is home now. [ She can only get it out with the barbs peppered in, and even then, her answer grates on the way out, difficult and too honest. ] Because I couldn't make myself leave you even though I know that it'll hurt worse later if I don't. [ Biting and bitter: ] Of course I love you. Why the hell else would I be this fucking stupid?

[ It really is to Andy's credit, that she could keep Rex's gaze. Poe couldn't. Poe couldn't look at either of them, swallowing thickly as Rex bluntly asked what Poe desperately wanted to know but hadn't been able to bring himself to ask. Just cover it all in frustration and bravado. But he couldn't make Andy stay if she really didn't want to be here. And a part of him was honestly terrified that she didn't - that Rex wouldn't want to, either, once everything started falling apart. Of course, he'd never admit that to them. He didn't know what he'd do without them. He didn't want to think about it. This was where he belonged.

So he went uncharacteristically quiet, lips thinning and he grew still, the pause before Andy answered seeming to stretch on for a hundred years.

When she finally spoke, he slumped back against the bulkhead. He didn't voice his relief aloud. It was still too begrudging an agreement to feel very good. And besides - Rex really seemed to be handling this better than him. Better to just let him handle it before he said something stupid and made it worse.

At least she was here. ]

Edited 2018-12-29 02:13 (UTC)

[ As the silence draws on and Poe draws ever inwards, Rex reaches out and lays his hand atop Poe's. It's done so quietly and subtly that it can almost be mistaken for a mistake. He doesn't even look Poe's way - it's as though he had reached out for balance and had put his hand on Poe's by chance alone. There's nothing accidental about the way his fingers curl around Poe's knuckles, though, firm as can be.

Hearing Andy finally say it, though - he didn't realize what a punch to the gut it would be until he says it, the rush of relief flooding him as unfamiliar as it is unwelcome, his breath catching in his throat and his heart hammering in his chest. He had thought -- yes, she wanted to stay. But he couldn't be sure. He didn't know how uncertain he was until it's out in the open, that she'd stay with them if given a choice, that her ties are strong enough that this isn't home to him and him alone, that these people aren't home to him and him alone. ]

And you haven't even seen me with my clothes off, [ he shoots back at her. After that, though, there are no words that will do, nothing any of them can say to make this easier, to salve the wound that is Andy wanting so desperately to leave and wanting so desperately not to love them. It's not how any of this should go.

He looks away for a moment, making a dismissive sound in the back of his throat. Pathetic. He's not just Rex. He's Rex of the five-oh-first, right-hand man to none other than the chosen one himself, fearlessly traversing the Outer Rim, leader of Torrent Squad, example to the finest. He's no coward.

Fuck that. He's still a Captain. It's time that he damn well acts like one. And so, boldly, he crawls forward a step and he kisses her. It's nothing like the hesitant, fumbling way he'd kissed Poe at first, slowly, almost leisurely figuring out what it's all about. It's swift and it's hard, hand rising to cup at the side of her face before he draws away with the same sort of quickness that almost distracts from the tremble in his hand and his voice alike. ]

Then it's settled. You're staying.

[ Apparently Poe isn't the only one taking good shots at her today — and deserving of it all as she is, Andy still has the nerve to be riled by it, some smartass comeback rising fast in her throat, antagonistic bullshit that would be so much easier to say that the rest —

But then Rex is kissing her, and everything comes to a screeching halt.

Oh.

Fuck.

Yeah. Okay. She's staying. ]

...Great. Wonderful. So glad we could figure this all out. [ She mutters at length, pressing a hand to her mouth briefly before glancing off, annoyed to be a litle flustered — like she's a blushing teenage girl instead of a cranky old woman. This isn't her first rodeo, to be flustered by one kiss. There wasn't even any tongue. ] Now can I go change and sleep in my own bed? Or are there any more life-changing announcements anyone wants to get off their chest?

[ Rex's fingers around his are far more of a support than he lets on, and when Rex finally kisses Andy, a piece of that painful twist in his chest releases. Not all of it. He still feels twisted up and unsettled but at least the world doesn't feel like it's going to fall out from under him.

He lets out a breath and stands up. ]

I'll go get us off this rock. I'm about eight hundred percent done with this place.

[ He moved to pass Rex, giving a grateful squeeze on his shoulder as he prepared to walk by. ]

... All right.

[ This time, Rex lets Poe go. It helps that the sooner they're off the rock, the sooner things get back to normal - which is to say, they're not giving Andy another chance to get skittish and run off on them. Once Poe's out of view, Rex edges closer to Andy, leaning against the wall beside her.

Now that it's done, he feels as though he's floundering in uncharted waters, made almost bashful by his own forwardness and still all keyed up from what has to be one of the most tumultuous day their little trio has ever had. ]

You can go to bed as soon as your legs start working again.

[ He doesn't quite look at her. As much as he's the one who pressed the point that nothing's really changed, in one quick moment, it seems like everything has. He doesn't know what to do with it, or how it's going to turn out. ]

...you really hurt him, you know, [ he says, quiet enough so that there's no chance that Poe can hear. BB-8 may be able to hear, but that little droid knows more about discretion than most humans. ] He's the one who's been guiding us from the start.

[ Rex owes him. So does Andy, though she may not feel like it right now. What Poe really deserves, though, is an apology. He may not be getting one today, or tomorrow, or next month, or even next year, not out loud. It's not her way. But there are things she may yet be able to do. ]

[ She knows. She meant to hurt him, in the moment — because that felt like the only way to convince him he wasn't in love with her, or that even if he was, it wouldn't be the way he hoped it would. In hindsight, it was probably stupid to think she could shake Poe Dameron so easily anyway — especially with such half-hearted efforts, lies that were cruel but also transparent. Pain she caused him for nothing. Dwelling on that, watching Poe's back as he walks away now makes an odd little pang flare up in her chest. She said she loves him, but she's been so unfair to him. Unkind. And even after all the lies, he still came looking for her. Still slept in her bed, waiting for her. He...

Fuck. Fuck's sake.

She wishes Rex wouldn't call her out on these things. She wishes Rex wasn't always so fucking right. Andy just makes a low, frustrated noise as she covers her face in one hand, tired and still half-annoyed with everything — herself most of all. ]

I can't take it back. [ The words are low, barely there and weary. ] I... [ A huffing exhale. ] I'm not any fucking good at this. I knew I wouldn't be. I tried to tell you — [ She grits her teeth, funneling her frustration into an attempt to stand up, bracing herself against the wall. ] I didn't mean to love either of you so much. I didn't mean to need you. And I don't understand why it doesn't scare you or him like it fucking scares me.

It's not that you're not good at this. It's that you gave up before you even tried.

[ Maybe now's not the time to say it. Maybe his bluntness is unwelcome, in this hazy time. But it has to be said. If it were just he and Andy, Rex would let it go - hell, nothing would have happened in the first place. He'd take whatever Andy had to say on the chin. But he'd seen the way Poe had reacted, the way he'd gone drawn in and quiet, far more terrible than anything he could have done out of sheer rage or frustration, and as much as Rex has come to realize that he loves Andy, he loves Poe too. He doesn't only need to make this right for himself. He needs to make it right for him.

Maybe he should reach out, help Andy to her feet as she tries to shake off the last of the paralysis. But she earned this, so he doesn't. ]

You can still make it up to him. By trying. You will make it up to him. I know you will, [ he says quietly, quiet enough that there's no chance of Poe overhearing. If he can just get it through her skull, she'll do it. By - oh, he doesn't know. Saying it back, without the anger. Holding him. Swearing her fealty throug actions, not through words. ]

What is there to be scared of, Andy?

[ How is it that she can stare down the barrel of a blaster without breaking a sweat, but when Rex asks her these questions, the fight or flight instinct is so strong it's a wonder one of her secondary organs doesn't just burst? Her heart is beating too hard in her chest, and it's not from the effort of getting back to her feet. It isn't her half-numb legs making her feel so heavy. It's... Fuck. ]

I don't — [ Frustration pulls at the volume of her voice. It takes conscious effort to drop the words low again — not that it does much for the heat in her tone. ] I don't want to have something to lose. I don't want to fucking live with it if something happens to one of you and I can't stop it. I don't want to be here alone two hundred years from now clinging to fading memories of what it was like when we were together.

[ She's gotten worked up again. It's not like her — to show so much open, vulnerable emotion all at once. This is different. This... ]

Look at this fucking mess. This is where I'm at, and we've all barely said the words to each other. It terrifies me to think how much more I'll love you in a year. In ten years. In twenty! [ Her voice strains, tight and thin. ] But like an idiot, I still want to be with you. So tell me what the fuck I'm supposed to do about that.

You think I've never thought about leaving? [ Rex hisses back, still quiet, still not wanting Poe to hear. He'd tried to see if they wanted him to leave more than once, had brought up every reason they had to leave him, and they didn't. Now, there's an even better reason to leave: so that he won't subject them to the same cruelty any clone subjects any natural-borns to. ] I even told my commanding officer not to get attached. Now look at where we are.

[ He lost something along the way. A little of his edge, he supposes, the sharpness he used to carry around with him, protecting himself as much as it was protecting others, that in-born desire for camaraderie warring with the desire to keep others at arm's length, knowing how their lives could be swiftly brought to an end at any time. He rises to his feet. ]

It's too late. If either of us were to leave, we should've done it months ago. But that would hurt that man in there far more than if we were to stay and he were to lose us that way. And I don't -- [ He wrinkles his nose, scowling. He so rarely has had the opportunity to think about what he wants; his impulse is still that it's a selfish thing, to declare what you want and to go out and take it. ] And I don't want to.

[ And deep down, he doesn't know that Andy wants to either. He reaches out and grasps at her wrist, half supporting her, half confronting her. ]

So. What you're supposed to do with that is you're supposed to stay. And you're going to tell him that without it sounding like you're trying to rip off your own skin. I've never known you to be a coward. And I'm no coward either. So we face this for what it is. And we face it together, just as we've faced every other thing that's come our way.

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